Fasten your seatbelts; DOOM: The Dark Ages is about to unleash rip and tear into our lives, and with that, reviews will come before you know it. Bethesda just crashed its self-sponsored razzmatazz announcing that critics will have their say about dismemberment (probably literally, if it comes to that), starting May 9 at 7 am PT / 10 am ET. That’s right; mark your calendars, set your alarms and sacrifice a demon or two for good luck.
Now what gives with DOOM: The Dark Ages? Well if the name didn’t tell, this one is surely no kind of futuristic hellhole. Rumor has it we’re going medieval: chainsaws meet broadswords, castles overrun by demons medieval. And really? That’s just chef’s kiss perfect for over-the-top violence DOOM sort of needs here.
Now the big question-WUT do we expect out of the reviews? Indications strongly harbor, I mean, DOOM (2016) and DOOM Eternal would be critical darling picks; rightly so, any discussion regarding these games being fun entails fast-paced game-play and killer soundtracks; and, you know, that intrinsic joy in turning demons into red mist.
Dark Ages, of course, sort of doubles down in such formula yet paints a little fresh coat with some casual gothic description. Bigger, symbolically even-badder weapons rumblings are abuzz (yes, somehow), even brutal-er finishers, and a story that might just warrant the attention-maybe even to make us care about Doomguy’s backstory-maybe.
But speaking, say, it’s a matter of gameplay-that makes or breaks a DOOM game. Quite frankly, forget any lore or graphics; once I pick up a gun, if it doesn’t sound like it’s firing pure adrenaline, that DOOM title goes down the drain. You make sure to believe that when these reviews come out, the very first thing we check is whether we still feel like an unstoppable god of destruction.
Now the release date or rather non-release date-this will be kept in Bethesda’s cloistered secrecy, wherein reviews would drop an instant prior to the announcement of the availability. Total classic tease. And with the Summer Game Fest and all the other big ones practically on the doorstep, we’d hardly be surprised if their trickster move was shadow dropping right after reviews go live.
That leaves a bloodbath to follow, and figuratively, of course, on May 9. The few might call DOOM: The Dark Ages as the ultimate next FPS-must-play or […]. And well, it is DOOM. It’s going to get its throne in any case. But either way, the Twitter refresh buttons will be set like crazed fools waiting to see if this particular medieval spin is just what’s needed for the franchise.
And so, if your decision-making capabilities still wane? Remember that DOOM: The Dark Ages will be the shooting game wherein you can punctually slay its demon with an actual flail. That’s guaranteed value for money if you truly want to know.
So yes, May 9. Be there or be square. Or just wait till a million game play clips drown the internet. Either way-rip and tear.
