Fortnite crazies were shouting at the hype of the landing cosmetics drop: Cow Kicks, for 600 V-Bucks. T-T-That’s correct; Cow. Kicks. The internet is split: one camp goes “just take my money,” while the other one goes “what is this game anymore?”. But one thing is for sure: Epic sure does keep the Weird alive.
The announcement came from none other than HYPEX, an extremely popular Fortnite leaker and content creator, giving us a sneak peek at some weird hydroxyl monoliths. The skis had the full cow print pattern, with hooves at the toes. Just because! The tweet had an extra pie-in-the-sky, announcing special bonus backblings with first purchases in the web shop. Should we say… barn door?
There were floods of reactions pouring in ever since they were revealed. Some players, like SolChapo, were almost completely behind purchasing: “Copped the cow kicks, they’re actually fire ngl,” while others were more sour, with kharibaat3625 saying, “Cow kicks? Still so basic. 🙄” That’s when the cow puns began-they never really ended. Thecityismine_x stated, “Mooovin’ in style 🐄🔥,” and itsarshiz was all the way there: “These kicks are moo-sic to my eyes.”
There were others who were sarcastic and grumbling. User lolSuperman23 even upped it: “Chinga tu puta madre es la mayor mierda que e visto en mi vida” (translation: “Go f your mother, this is the biggest crap I’ve ever seen”). Harsh? Maybe. Fair enough when you’re staring at digital cow feet.
The price-tag was a hot topic. 600 V-Bucks (~$6)? Seemed like a steep price to some. “Too expensive we good,” tgraybird tweeted. Anandhk_S jokingly said, “could someone buy these for me… plz…………” JoshTypshi mocked influencer corruption with sarcasm: “oh no this goyslop is so expensive DONT THINK GO BUY BUY BUY BUY GO BUY IT NOW AND USE MY CODE SO I GET MONEY NOW NOW NOW GO BUY IT.”
The real question remains—who the hell wears these in the game? LoneTypeAura frankly said, “Who tf cranking 90s in those jawns?” Foregone conclusion. Feel the shame of being styled by cow hooves.
Now talking about something strong once again: The charm of Fortnite has always been absurdity. From banana suits to superhero collabs, the whole game is kind of crazy. And the Cow Kicks? Well, they fit right in. Whether you love it or hate it, it is an expression.
So will you be picking up a pair for yourself, or are you dressing for something less… bovine? Either way, Season 4 of Fortnite has, once again, shown that no cosmetic is too outrageous to get released. Now excuse us while we go off wondering “What’s next”—Pig snout masks? Chicken wing gliders? The possibilities are endless and scary.
And by the way, moo-ve fast for that bonus backbling. Because, let’s be real, that backbling is tempting to all of us. The bonus backbling is something you won’t want to miss!
